I still don't understand how this could happen...

Mrs. BigKat was at the computer this morning. It was a little cold so she was tapping her feet up and down on the floor.

BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM...

Now what would you say in that situation? I bet you would say exactly the same thing that I said:

Her feet: BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM

Me: FLASH!!! A-aaaaaahhhh!!!

Savior of the universe!!!

And it would be funny, right? WRONG! Mrs. BigKat had NO IDEA what I was talking about! SHE HAD NEVER HEARD OF FLASH GORDON!

I still don't know what to say about this...

Here's the song in case you spent your childhood in a hole in the ground like my wife apparently did:

Underwear

The kids usually take their baths/showers in the evening. Which means that this is when LilKat2 changes his underwear. Well, it seemed as if LilKat2 was running out of clean underwear more quickly than he should. We found out that the reason for this was that he was changing his underwear right when he woke up in addition to after his shower. Mrs. BigKat told him that since he took a shower in the evening, he didn't have to change his underwear again in the morning. That way, he wouldn't run out of clean underwear so quickly in his underwear drawer.

Unfortunately, I think he took this underwear conservation concept a little to far. The other day, he says 'Mom, guess what...I think I've worn this same underwear for FOUR DAYS!'

I hope he at least turned it inside out after day 2...

Like Father, Like Son

Want to know how brave LilKat2 is? Today, he had to have an Ear The Cow. Which is kind of crazy to me. I had never even heard of this insane procedure before. Now, our family has had 2 in 2 months.

Recently, it has seemed like LilKat2 has been ignoring us sometimes. We talk to him and it just seems like he's not listening to us at all. He's actually gotten in trouble for it a couple of times. Well, it turns out he really isn't listening. Because one of his ears was all clogged up. I noticed that when we were praying together, he would start praying while LilKat1 was praying. That clued me in that something was wrong with his ears. So last night, I gave him a little hearing test. I had him close his eyes while I made little sounds around his ears. His job was to wave his right hand if the sound was on his right and wave his left hand if the sound was on his left.

He failed miserably (and yes, afterwards, I felt really bad for scolding him for not listening to me).

So today, he went in to the doctor's and got his ears checked out. The doctor saw that one was clogged (so clogged in fact, that for the first few shots of the Ear The Cow, no water actually went into his ear). And he bravely sat there while they squirted water into his head. The nurse was very impressed! She said that most kids try to run away and hide in the corner. Not my son! He just sat there with his eyes closed until they were done (which is pretty much what I did too).

More Lemonade

Hey, remember this? Well, guess what! Pretty much the exact same thing happened again today. Except this time, instead of $25, I got $100!

And once again, I went right out and ordered another pile of boardgames (not for me though! They're gifts! I'm serious! Ok, a couple are for me. And one expansion. But the rest are for other people! Really, I'm not being boardgame-greedy! Well, maybe a little. Just a tiny bit boardgame-greedy. But I just got a free $100! What do you expect?).

Ear Lavage

I had an Ear Lavage today. Sounds interesting right? It's pronounced 'la-VAJ', like it's very fancy and French. It sounds like 'la vache' (which I think means 'the cow' if I remember my French from high school. So I guess I came very close to having an Ear The Cow).

Well, if you've never had one, let me tell you, it is not very fancy. It's actually very gross and weird. This was done at the doctor's office. The doctor said I had too much gunk in my ears. So she had a lady come in to give me an Ear The Cow. The lady gave me a plastic tub to hold under my ear. Then she took a squirt bottle with a special attachment and unloaded about a gallon of water into my ear.

It kind of sounded like this:

SQWSSSSSSHHHH-SQWSSSSSSSHHHHH-SQWSSSSSSSHHHHH-SQWSSSSSSSSHHHHHH

except for like a hundred squirts and not just 4. And it feels like someone is jabbing you inside of your head in an area that was never meant to be jabbed. Then when she stops squirting, it sounds like your ear is full of bubbles.

Every once in a while, she took a break to empty the tub of water/ear goo. And if I was lucky she'd say 'Hey! A nice big chunk came out that time!' Then she'd look inside my ear to see if it was clean yet. If it wasn't, she'd go back to trying to shoot water into my brain.

Anyhow, my ears are now free from gunk. Which I guess it's good. I just hope they stay un-gunky so I don't need another Ear The Cow. I really didn't enjoy it.

Dreams

Have you ever had that dream about falling down? You know the one I'm talking about?

The one where you trip and fall down and scrape up your hands on the asphalt. And the scrapes get all dirty and end up with yucky things inside of them. Like bug eggs.

And then the bug eggs hatch under your skin. And when you look at your palms, you can see creepy bugs crawling around inside the skin of your hands.

And so you scratch at them, and your skin bursts open and a bunch of those roly-poly potato bugs start crawling out of your hands. You know the dream I'm talking about?

I had that dream last night. Twice. I didn't sleep very well.

16 again

It's my birthday today. Which means that my driver's license is expiring. I got the reminder a while ago, but forgot to renew it. I was planning on going to the DMV today to take care of it, but then I realized that the DMV here is closed on Mondays. That means that I will have to wait until tomorrow.

The problem is, I won't be able to drive myself because my license will be expired. I thought that maybe Mrs. BigKat could drive me, but then we'd have to take the kids with us which would be a hassle. So I called my mom. She said that she was available and could drive me there.

Yes, tomorrow, my mom is driving me to the DMV to get my driver's license.

This makes me giggle.

Something's not right...

This is an actual cake purchased by an actual friend of mine. I don't know what else to say...

The Bento Lady

Each week, Mrs. BigKat and I go out on a Date Night while my mom watches the kids. We normally go to this local Bento place. The food is simple, tasty, and inexpensive. Mrs. BigKat gets the pot sticker platter, I get the teriyaki beef or spicy pork (and every once in a while, the yakisoba), we get 2 orders of egg rolls, and 2 drinks (large for me, small for Mrs. BigKat). And the total is always $13.70. We've gotten to the point where the owner (who I call the Bento Lady) starts writing down our order right as we walk in the door.

A few weeks ago, instead of going to the Bento place like usual, we decided to go to the taco place down the street instead. It was a nice change of pace, so we went there again the following week. Well, when we went back to the Bento place, we wondered if the Bento lady had noticed that we had been gone.

Yeah...she noticed.

As we walked up to place our order, she started grilling us:

Bento Lady: So...haven't seen you guys in a while...

Us: Oh uh...yeah...we haven't been here for a couple of weeks.

Bento Lady: Oh...I see...I guess you haven't been able to get a babysitter then...

Us: Oh no, we have a baby sitter! We just...ummm...uh...can I get the terikayi beef?

Even her husband, Bento Guy acted different towards us. When he brought us our egg rolls, it wasn't "Here's your egg rolls! Enjoy!" or anything like that. Instead he just kind of flippantly tossed the plate onto our table without looking at us as he walked by. I told Mrs. BigKat "We cheated on the Bento Lady. I feel like Tiger Woods."

That was last week. This week, when we went to Date Night, the Bento Lady was still hassling me. I ordered the Hot and Spicy chicken. She looks at me and says "Are you sure you want that? Are you ok with spicy food?"

Wait a second...she's asking ME if I'm ok with spicy food? I was appalled! The guy who puts Frank's Red Hot on everything? The guy who only enjoys chili if it makes him sweat? Yes I'm OK with spicy food! I love spicy food! And to show her, I was going to eat all the spicy food on my plate in record time!

Only I didn't...

Now, normally, I eat all the food on my plate when we go out. The portions at the Bento place are a nice size for me. But it just so happened that I wasn't particularly hungry that day. I don't remember if I had a late snack or had a lot to drink before we left or what. But for some reason, I just wasn't that hungry. I only ate about half of my Hot and Spicy chicken.

Well, the Bento lady sees that I didn't finish my meal. She walks over to our table and says 'Oh! Was it too spicy for you? We can make it less spicy next time!'

GAAAAHHH!!! That sneaky Bento Lady! On the outside it appears like she's this sweet old lady who's concerned about one of her customer. But we both know that what she's really doing is calling me a spicy food wimp to my face! TO MY FACE!

After she left our table, she went into the back and told Bento guy what she said about me. They both laughed at me and high fived each other. Ok, maybe I made up that last part, but I wouldn't be surprised if it really happened.

Snake

Mrs. BigKat and I were watching Food Network the other night and saw Kenny Stabler. He was tailgating at a Raider game with Guy Fieri. Turns out Mrs. BigKat had no idea who Ken Stabler was. I was SHOCKED! She grew up in northern California and didn't know who the Snake was? Back when I was a boy, that was who we all wanted to be. It was basically Superman, Batman, Fonzi, or Ken Stabler.

Well, today, I googled Ken Stabler to see what he was up to these days (other than eating chili burgers and ribs on Food Network). I saw he had a website, so I sent him the following email:

Hey Snake!

Saw you on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives the other day! My wife had no idea who you were. And I said 'Are you kidding me?' I told her about when I was a boy, you were they guy that all of us on the playground wanted to be. 10 or 12 boys running around yelling 'I'm Ken Stabler!', 'No, I'M Ken Stabler!'

Her excuse was that she grew up watching the niners (her family only started watching them because they found out that they had a quarterback that looked like Barry Manilow and they liked Barry Manilow).

Anyhow, just wanted to say hi!

Thanks!

BigKat

Well, he wrote back to me! The Snake wrote back to me! He even signed it 'Snake' at the end! Here's what he wrote:

BigKat

What a fun e.mail....I played with and for a great group of people and we played for all the right reasons..for each other, the city, ownership, and fans like yourself.

All the best to you and yours

Snake

I'm so happy. I feel like I'm 6 years old again. It's cool knowing that Ken Stabler is my new best friend.

Things Kids Say

I went to help out in LilKat2's Kindergarten class today. When I came in, the new music teacher was there singing songs with them. I had never met him before. The old music teacher was a very kid friendly, chipper, younger lady. The new guy was quite different. I was trying to think of a way to describe him and the best thing I can come up with is Niles Crane from Frasier, but not funny.

Anyhow, while I was in class, I heard a funny story about him. Apparently, he was singing songs with the kids when he got to a part where he started to sing in a very looooow voice. The kids thought that this was very impressive. They said to him, 'Wow, Mr. ___! You sound just like a REAL man!'

Too Many Games

This morning, I was at the computer and I logged on to boardgamegeek.com. I started looking at some gaming articles, nothing with pictures or anything, just text. Anyhow, PrincessKat saw what I was doing and must have recognized the logo on the website. She immediately ran over, jumped on my lap, and, apparently imitating me, started yelling 'I WANT THAT GAME! I WANT THAT GAME!'

That killed me! Me and Mrs. BigKat were both laughing for quite a while. But the whole time, I was thinking...Do I really act that way? Maybe I do have too many boardgames...

MFWL story by MFWLW

Remember My-Friend-Who-Lies (MFWL)? Well, his wife (MFWLW) has a weblog. The other day, she wrote about a funny story that, oddly enough, MFWL has never told me about. They had a baby last June, and this story is from right after the baby was born when they were leaving the hospital to go home. Here it is in her words:

I hope (My-Husband-Who-Lies) doesn't mind that I post this, but one of the ones that still brings a smile is when (MHWL) was getting the car to pick us up to go home. His sense of direction got turned around in the parking garage and he couldn't find his way back to the main entrance where we were waiting. (The baby), the person who pushed the wheelchair out, and I sat watching the poor guy drive all around trying to find where we were. The parking garage is maybe fifty feet from the main entrance. :)

I love this story. And it doesn't surprise me one bit.

Black is Positive

I was leaving the parking lot after LilKat2's soccer game today, when an African-American guy asked me if I could help jump start his car. I parked my truck next to his car and popped open my hood. He hooked one end of the jumper cables up to his car and handed me the other end. Then he said:

Ok, red is positive, black is negative...well, black is really positive...but you know...society...

I thought it was pretty funny. But he felt he had to tell me that black was really negative a couple of times, just in case I didn't understand his joke and tried to put the cables in the wrong place.

In the Toy Aisle

I was at Target the other day looking around the toy aisle. A mom and her sons were near me. They were buying a birthday present for someone and were having a hard time picking it out. It was pretty funny to watch. Some of the stuff was funny because it's stuff that I've said many times in the past when picking out presents, but some of the stuff was brand new. Here are a few of the highlights...

Mom: Now remember...we're not picking out something for you. We're picking out something for Brandon...

Boy 1: We HAVE to get THIS! He needs THIS!

Mom: Does he even like G.I. Joe?

Boy 1: What's G.I. Joe?

Mom: Ummm...that thing in your hand...

(Boys are trying to decide on which Transformer to get their friend)

Boy 1: Oh, we should buy this one!

Boy 2: No...we can't get him that one...That's from the OLD Testament.

(Boys can't decide on which Transformer to get. Boy 1 wants Transformer A. Boy 2 wants Transformer B. So Mom comes up with a brilliant idea.)

Mom: Ok, I'm putting these both behind my back. And whichever one gets picked, that'll be the one we get. And no complaining!

Boy 1 (pointing to his mom's left arm): THAT ONE!

(Mom looks at box...it's Transformer A. Boy 1 is very pleased...)

Mom: You were peeking! That's why you chose that one!

(Mom not sure about what to do...)

Mom: Fine, I'm just going to pick one.

..and NEW World's Champion

To start off, I have to give a little background...

About a month or two ago, I had a 6th grade helper, E, in my Sunday School class (the sister of one of my 1st graders, S). We were at the part of class where the kids tell me interesting things that they've done during the week. S told me that his sister won 1st place in the 400 at a track meet. I asked her what her time was and she said that she ran a 1:09.

I wondered if I could run a 1:09 too. I used to run track, but I hadn't done any middle distance in a looooong time. Well, the following Monday, I went to the track to see how I would do. I figured if a 6th grade girl could run a 1:09, surely I could run something close to that.

WRONG!

I ran my lap and clocked in at a very unblistering 1:25. I was glad that E wasn't there racing against me because it would've been embarrassing. As it was, it probably just looked to everyone like I was doing a slow warm up lap. (Oh, by the way, E was very encouraging to me. I told her that I had run a 1:25 and she said 'That's not so bad! I have a friend who ran a 1:23!' I asked her what grade her friend was in, and she replied 'Fifth'. Great...)

I decided that I was going to start training to beat 1:09 so that I would no longer be slower than a 6th grade girl. I started doing interval training during the week instead of my normal slow jog. My workout was a mile and a half warmup followed by a couple of 400's and a couple of 300's (or 200's if I was too tired).

It didn't take long to see the results. Within a week, I was down to 1:13. The next week, it was down to 1:11. And finally...a 1:09!

I saw E at church and proudly told her that I had tied her time. She told me that that was really good! She also informed me that her other friend (also a 6th grader) ran a 1:07!

yay...

Ok, so now I had a new goal. But it wasn't so bad. I got my 1:07 just last Friday!

I think that I can now safely say that I am faster than all 6th grade girls in the entire world (doesn't count if their last name is Bolt, Lewis, Devers, or Joyner-Kersey).

Oh yeah, and that thing about the NEW World's Champion? Well, running my 400's has also helped speed up my one and a half mile warmup time. It used to take my a little over 12 minutes to run it. Today, I clocked in at 10:47! My own personal best! It seemed pretty fast, so I looked up what the Track and Field World's Record is for the mile and a half. Turns out there isn't any! There's records for the 1500, mile, 2000, and 3000. But no mile and a half. I must be the first, so I guess that makes me that Champ. I just need to figure out who to email my time to at the US Track & Field Association, so that they can update their World's Record page.

Phone Fishing

People don't usually think of telemarketer calls as fun, but you know what? They can be. Today, I got a call and decided to find out how long I could keep them on the phone for. They asked for me and I told them that I would go get 'him'. I set the phone down and started the clock. While they were waiting, I would say something every once in a while to keep them on as long as possible. You know, kind of like trying to catch a big fish: They start to hang up...and then ('Yeah, it's for you!'), you reel them in a bit...then they start to hang up again...and then ('I think they're still there, just pick up the phone!'), you reel them in a bit.

Unfortunately, they gave up sooner than I was hoping.

Final score...3 minutes, 30 seconds. I'll see if I can beat that score next time.

Fooled

I've been waiting all day for the UPS guy to come. He's got a case of my new favorite-boardgame-that-I've-never-played-before-but-I've-read-about-it-and-it-looks-really-cool Monsterpocalypse (or MonPoc as the cool kids call it). I ordered it last week and have been not very patiently waiting.

Well, a little while ago, I heard the knock at the door. My wait was over! The UPS man was here to hand over my box full of plastic dinosaurs, robots, aliens, and other monsters ready to do battle on a paper map amongst tiny plastic buildings. I flew out of my chair, tossed open my office door, avoided plowing over Mrs. BigKat in the hall, and sprinted down the stairs, all in about 4.5 seconds (seriously! If it took me any more than that, I'd be surprised).

I got to the front door only to find...LilKat1 tapping on the door with a big smile on his face.

Grinning at me from ear to ear, he says 'It was me!'

So now I'm back upstairs...waiting...

Kobe

I haven't been able to watch many of the NBA playoff games this year because we don't get ESPN or TNT. But I was able to 'see' the game on the computer last night (and by 'see', I mean taking a break from cleaning the bathroom, going to the computer, and clicking refresh on the Yahoo Sports page).

After the game, I went to tell Mrs. BigKat that the Nuggets beat the Lakers. Her response?

'That's good, right?'

I wasn't sure what to say. It was a bit startling. I immediately tried to think of some other situations where something similar might have happened...

Luke: Hey C3PO! It worked! We blew up the Death Star!

C3PO: That's good, right?

or maybe...

Penny: Uncle Gadget! We finally captured Dr. Claw!

Inspector Gadget: That's good, right?

or possibly...

Aquaman: Superman! It worked! We got him to say kltpzyxm!

Superman: That's good, right?

Well, the only thing I could come up with was...

Ummm...it's KOBE!

Which apparently was good enough for her.

Pants

I rarely wear pants. Working from home, I can wear whatever I want, so it's always shorts for me. In fact, I can't actually remember the last time I wore pants somewhere. My guess is that it was a wedding or something.

Anyhow, I have to go on a business trip tomorrow for a boring conference. Which means I have to wear pants. I went into my closet to look for some and I only had 2 pair. And guess what! They didn't even come close to fitting! Hard for me to believe that I was once that skinny.

I went to Costco today and picked up a pair of new pants. It was the first time I've bought a new pair of pants in...ok, I really can't remember that one. If I had to take a guess, I would say it's been at least 10 years. I can't think of a time when I've purchased pants since I've been married.

I must say though that I think these pants were a great purchase. I put them on and not only did they fit...but they have an elastic thing that stretches out if you get too fat! I figure I can put on an extra 20 pounds and still be able to fit in these pants!

I'm never going to have to buy another pair of pants for the rest of my life!